here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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