i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
