Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
