this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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