His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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