new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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