Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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