you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
