I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
