If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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