Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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