Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
