D3 body, D1 cock
That's intense
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize