She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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