Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
