My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I won the penis lottery.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
