maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
