I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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