Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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