i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
