I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
