onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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