I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
