Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
