I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
