I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
soo... how was my night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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