i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
