Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
