I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm really busy with my period
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