Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
