i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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