6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
