dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize