We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
