In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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