It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
