i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
