1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
