That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
