Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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