if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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