the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
