he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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