If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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