He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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