got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
