this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
