you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
