Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
