why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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