I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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