grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
