I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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