Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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