wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
