I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
