You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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