the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
