Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
