i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
