thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
