He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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