you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
