why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We just shotgunned beers for America
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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