i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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