traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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