the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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