My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize