i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
P.S. I can't hear my feet
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
