Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
