booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
