this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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