If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
