I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
