I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
