You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize