Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
