Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize