I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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