Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
