my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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