I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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