man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
