hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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