As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
