Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
