I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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