I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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