Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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