I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
