how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
