Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
