I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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