we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
