And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
