my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize