remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
