dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
