His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
