Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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