so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize