there's paper in my vomit.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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