i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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