he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
