I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
