I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
