why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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