You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
