I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
