with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize