I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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